


you can't wake up (this is not a dream)

by scarynoodles



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Tony, Male-Female Friendship, Nebula (Marvel) Angst, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Self-Sacrifice, Soul Stone (Marvel), Tony Stark Has A Heart, a little bit more than just hurt but lets go with that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-07-29 19:21:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16270709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarynoodles/pseuds/scarynoodles
Summary: All Nebula wanted when she arrived in Vormir with Tony Stark was information on the Soul Stone.She came back without Tony Stark and with the Soul Stone.





	you can't wake up (this is not a dream)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I think that in reality it’s going to be Tony killing Steve, but this is going off the fact that Nebula wielded the gauntlet in the comics against Thanos, so I was like, “Hmm, who would she sacrifice for the Soul Stone?” Going by the theory that Nebula and Tony become close friends, he’s really the only one I can think of. Plus, it’s kind of interesting to see someone so vicious in the way she kills struggle to do it for the first time. 
> 
> Obviously, I know that had Gamora been alive she would have been the one who Nebula loves most in the world, but she’s dead, and I wanted to give her a break. No need to die twice for the same reason.
> 
> Title taken from Gasoline by Halsey, which I think is a song that fits both Tony and Nebula. I actually associated it with Tony first, but then I realized it's so fitting for Nebula as well.

Despite who or what she is, Nebula is not sure of what to expect when she first arrives in Vormir with Tony Stark. All she knows is the Soul Stone had been hidden there for millennia, until Gamora uncovered the map leading to it, and later Thanos used her to get the Soul Stone. Everything else is history.

She recalls, however, the most painful part. That Thanos had taken Gamora to Vormir with him, and came back alone. As much as Nebula hates him, she _knows_ Thanos. She knows who he fears (Stark), who he thinks he loves (not Nebula, never Nebula, but always Gamora), why he did this (genocidal, narcissistic complex masked by concern for the universe). She knows that Thanos would never kill Gamora unless it was absolutely necessary, because again, he thinks he loves her.

Nebula can’t say she’s good at that part either, but walking through the desert with Tony Stark, the one person besides Gamora (and even that came a lot later) to wholly treat her with kindness and empathy, she thinks she’s learning.

She had wanted to come alone for this very reason, though. She was the best suited for it, and the fact that Thanos had “had” to kill Gamora didn’t spell out good things. But Tony had pitched a fit, saying that the was the exact reason he had to come along, to make sure nothing happened to her, and in the end, Nebula will always be weak.

“What’s up, Smurfette?” Stark asks suddenly, breaking her out of her thoughts. She looks at him, and though the lighting here is lacking, she can tell he’s pale.

If it was a different time, Nebula would have ignored that sign and let someone else handle it. There’s no one else available to handle it, though, and times have changed. “Never mind that. What’s wrong with _you_?”

Stark stumbles at another dune, and automatically Nebula catches his arm. “Thanks,” he says. “‘Member how I told you, back in Titan, that it wasn’t the first time I was stuck in a desert with no way out?”

Of course she does. It was the first time Nebula started to admire this strange Terran, because in all the years she’d been alive, Terrans were always looked down upon for lacking in technology, of being unaware of the larger universe. It wasn’t until she met Stark that she started to change her mind–that maybe Terrans _were_ worth something. “Yes.”  
  
Stark shrugs. “This just reminds me of that. And not in a good way.”

“Oh,” Nebula says. Just because she’s trying to be more understanding doesn’t mean she’s good at it. “I’m sorry.”

Stark looks at her from the corner of his eye. “Don’t say I shouldn’t have come. I don’t mind at all.”

Nebula had been about to say that. She nods instead.

Eventually, they make their way to the cave they had seen from far away. There’s a voice identifying them then, with an accent Nebula has never heard before. “Welcome, Nebula, daughter of Thanos. Anthony Stark, son of Howard Stark.”

She immediately pulls out her batons. Behind her, Stark suits up. “Who’s there? How do you know us?” she demands.

A dark, ghostly figure floats down from above. “Is that a Dementor?” Stark whispers. 

“A what?” Nebula says.

“I am nothing like that,” the figure says as it approaches them. It lifts its head high enough that they can see beneath the hood–a red, bony face. “But I am sure that your friend Captain America would appreciate seeing me.”

Stark inhales sharply. “What– _Red Skull_?”  
  
Nebula turns to him. “You know him?”

“He was this crazy Nazi from Earth, but he should have died years ago, when the–” Stark cuts himself off. “The Tesseract? The Space Stone? It took you here?”

Red Skull’s eyes flash with anger, the first emotion he has shown. “It cursed me to live here, in reach of power but never able to seize it.” He doesn’t give them a chance to respond before continuing, “I know you are here for the Soul Stone.” He turns, gesturing for them to follow.

“We just want information,” Nebula says, walking after him. Beside her, Stark does the same. “My father–you mentioned him, Thanos, he has it.”

“The Soul Stone will appear to whoever is worthy of it,” the Red Skull says simply.

Nebula and Stark share a look.

He leads them to a ledge. The back has tall rock structures stretching up to the sky, while the front leads to a sharp drop. The wind whips harshly, contrasting the snow softly drifting down onto their bodies. Stark’s breath is visible.

“So, it’s some sort of test, huh?” Stark says, looking down the edge of the cliff.

“Stark, get away from there,” Nebula says tightly. She’s not going to have him falling off accidentally, or the Red Skull deciding to push him off.

Stark rolls his eyes, but steps back to Nebula’s side.

“Yes,” the Red Skull says. “The Soul Stone is...not like the other stones. It is the most powerful, in a way. Because of that, it only reveals itself to those who show they are willing to commit to it.”

Nebula’s mechanical heart starts beating rapidly–simulating her dread. _Gamora_ , her mind whispers. _Remember Gamora_. Stark grabs her hand, seemingly sensing her distress. “What are you talking about?”

“A sacrifice,” Red Skull murmurs. The wind seems to whisper the word. “Of what you love most in the world.”

No. No, no, no. Nebula doesn’t want to believe it, but she knows it’s true. “I don’t love anyone,” Nebula says quickly. Stark’s hand tightens around her own.

Red Skull gives her a glancing look. “You are so quick to offer up that information, I almost wonder if it’s not true.” He’s playing with her. She knows he knows who she loves. The _only_ one she loves, now that Gamora–

“There has to be another way,” Stark–no, Tony–insists. Nebula almost smiles. No matter what he’s been through, he’s still so innocent. Naïve. Convinced that death is not always the answer.

But she was made– _mutilated_ –into a killer. It’s what her path always leads to.

Red Skull shakes his head. “To give up what you love most is the ultimate show of strength, of sacrifice. It is what the Soul Stone decreed billions of years ago.”

“What–what about if the person you love most is dead already. Does that work?” _Peter Parker_. He is not the only one Tony loves– _l_ _oved_ –but Nebula sees what he’s doing. Trying to avoid having to kill anyone else by using a technicality.

“You are doing this to bring him back, are you not?” Red Skull asks instead.

Tony closes his mouth, looking away. It’s enough of a response to answer his question.

There is silence.

Tony looks at Nebula, apologies etched into every line in his face. “I can’t–I _have_ to bring him back. I’m being selfish, I know,” his voice is laced with self-hatred, “but he needs to live.”

Nebula shakes her head, the first movement she’s made since Red Skull since told them what they need to do. “I’m not going to ask that of you.” She stares down at her feet. She’s not going to make Tony give up anyone else. He’s already lost so much, been through so much. His sanity is already fragile, only held together by his determination to bring his son (yes _, I know he’s not actually your son, Stark_ ) back. She worries that if he were to–have to kill someone he loved, it would break him.

It’s scary, having this feeling. She’s never felt it before. This–feeling of wanting to protect someone, keep them safe from harm. She’d only slightly experienced it with Gamora, because Nebula knew she could handle herself.

Gamora had proven that dozens of times when they were children.

But with Tony, it’s an encompassing feeling, filling up her body and mind like the world’s worst distraction. She can’t let him hurt himself even more.

Nebula is going to have to do it. Be the selfless person for the first time. That’s where the problem comes in–she only cares for one person.

And he’s standing right next to her.

How can she protect Tony from further harm if she has to kill him? There’s no way he wins this time. One way, he loses yet another person he loves, the other, he loses his _life_.

But Nebula has gotten to know Tony very well, and she knows that Tony would prefer himself dying to anyone else dying. He wouldn’t view it as losing, or being harmed, but rather, the least he could do as penance.

It seems they have that in common.

Nebula thought she has lost the ability to cry years ago, the first modification Thanos had made to her body.

_“Are you a sniveling brat or a child of Thanos?” he had snapped as tears spilled onto her broken legs and arm._

But there’s no mistaking the liquid filling up her eyes. Maybe they’re not tears, maybe the mechanics in her body are just faulty and leaking, but they’re a good, physical representation of what she feels. She turns her head, looking at Tony closely for the first time since they got to the ledge. “It’s you,” she whispers. “You’re the one.”

Tony tilts his head, confused, then his eyes bloom in understanding. There is no fear. Only a grim resolve. “Then you need to do it.”  
  
Nebula turns her back to him. “I can’t.”

There’s a soft touch on her arm, a gentleness that she lacks. Tony has always been so–tender compared to her. “Nebula, it’s not fair to you. I know I’m being selfish as hell, but _please_.” A sigh, then, “Do it for Gamora.”

That stings, and she’s sure Tony knows as well. Nebula whirls around, slapping his hand away. A part of her logs that in her mounting pile of evidence that she will never be as kind and soft as Tony. “That doesn’t mean I can just–kill you!” she roars. “You matter to me as well, you idiot! I’m not trading _your_ life just to get my sister back!”

Despite her outburst, Tony doesn’t look the least bit scared, even when he should be cowering like every single one of her other victims. His brown eyes are warm with bittersweetness. “You know,” he begins, “when I first met Cap, he said I wasn’t a hero because I wasn’t the type to lay down on the wire and let the other guy crawl all over me. Later, I laid down the wire. Now, he says that we don’t trade lives.

“I’ve always...listened to him, even when he says I don’t. He’s the captain, you know. But there’s more at stake here. Half the universe is at stake. This might be our only chance. I can’t stand in the way of trillions. You have to kill me, Nebula.”

More of the faulty fluid drips down her face. “I can’t.” She scoffs at herself. “It’s funny. The first time it might actually be a good thing for me to kill someone, and I can’t do it.”

“You _can_ ,” he insists. “You’re strong enough. I know it. Here, just–” He grasps her hand again, lifting it against his chest, “that’s all it takes.” She can feel his heartbeat, the proof that he’s alive and well. Soon, she won’t be able to feel it. 

Slowly, Tony steps backward, pulling Nebula along, until he is at the precipice.

In a strange, paradoxical feeling, Nebula can’t do it, but she knows she will anyway. At the end of the day, she’s always done what needs to be done, no matter how much she hates it, no matter how much pain it causes her. She composes herself for a second, wiping her face with her free hand. When she looks back at Tony, she’s the soulless killer she always has been.

She could push him off right now. All it would take is the slightest twitch of her hand, and Tony would fall into the open air. But she clutches onto his shirt instead, the same way a child clutches onto their mother (the same way Nebula remembers doing to her own faceless mother before Thanos came). “Are you scared?” she asks, because she’s curious. Tony has always been so seemingly fearless.

A corner of his mouth lifts up. “Terrified,” Tony says. His eyes are watering despite the light tone. “I’ve never actually wanted to die. I’ve just accepted the fact that it was bound to happen sooner or later.”

“I’m sorry I love you,” Nebula says. The words are foreign to her mouth–both the apology and the admission of love.

Tony shakes his head. Silver tears fall like snowflakes onto the ground. “Don’t be. Don’t ever apologize for loving someone.”

They stand there facing each other, unwilling to go further but knowing they have to. It’s cold, Nebula realizes. She thought she couldn’t feel the cold anymore, but its icy tendrils still claw their way through her chest.

“Nebula…” Tony whispers, voice thick. “Please. Just do it. I know this is hard for you. If there was any other way,” his voice cracks, “just–close your eyes if you have to.”

“No. If I’m doing this, then I’m going to see it through to the end.” If Nebula’s doing this, then she’s going to make herself suffer.

Tony opens his mouth, likely to argue, but shuts it almost immediately.

Slowly, she moves forward until Tony is forced to lean backwards, held up in the air only by Nebula’s hand.

They take one last look at each other. “Save the world for me, Nebs.” Tony’s eyes close, hiding the golden brown she’s come to know.

And she lets go.

True to her word, Nebula keeps her eyes open. She forces herself to watch as the first person to truly treat her with kindness becomes yet another victim. She forces herself to watch as he falls for what seems like ages, despite only being seconds. She forces herself to watch as he slams into the ground, redness painting the stone around him.

Falling is not beautiful, she thinks, the way it’s often described. It’s brutal, violent, gory.

See, it’s not just the distance that makes it difficult to make out Tony’s face.

Nebula sinks down to her knees, aware of the Red Skull’s presence and yet not caring. It’s only a few seconds later that there is a bright flashing, and everything goes dark.

When she opens her eyes, she’s lying in a pool of water. Nebula slowly sits up, feeling an ache in her chest that she doesn’t think is just due to faulty machinery. There’s something small and hard in her palm, the one she pushed Tony off with. She opens it and looks down, already knowing what it is and yet needing the proof–that she really did kill the only person she loved for a stone.

The Soul Stone gleams brilliantly, with a gentle pulsing that almost feels like a heartbeat. Tony’s heartbeat.

It figures. The first time Nebula lets herself love someone openly, and that love is what destroys him in the end.

**Author's Note:**

> Please note it is a platonic, close friend, almost father-daughter relationship, not a romantic one. 
> 
> There is also a bit unhealthy idolization of Tony on Nebula’s side, which stems from how much she hates herself and how Tony, being the only one besides Gamora to truly treat Nebula with the kindness she deserves, comes across as a bit of a saint to her. Although I would say that their friendship is for the most part healthy, it’s still...toxic in that sense? Just don’t think it’s normal to idealize your friend the way Nebula does, please.
> 
> This is not stated in the story but Gamora is still alive in the Soul World, so once Thanos got the Soul Stone her body disappeared. I mean, her body is dead its her soul thats alive, but idk magical disintegration or something I just didn’t want to deal with the fact that her body would still be there otherwise.


End file.
